Wednesday, May 19, 2010

exbit c. journal entry, never give up on yourself

Well more has happened since my last posting. Learned a lot as well. Car got broken into, mini laptop, over 200 new unpublished pieces, the books for my first professional reviews on were all stolen. Plus my back passenger side window was shattered. But I did the only thing a person could do. The next day I immediately got on it. Ordered the pc, contacted Stephen Miller, and Eric Basso, and replaced the window. Which by the way was a little more expensive than I thought it would be. Thats what I get though for buying a foreign car. Oh well, now Im just waiting on the delivery of my new pc, and both books. So only time was lost, everything else was replaceable.

Things are constantly in motion, not one day so far has been with out something big happening. New opportunities keep appearing, and yet I find myself at a mental stand point. I do see what people mean when they say thinking gets in the way. Sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes thinking is nothing less than a delay reaction. So some people want me to move in with them. They say they just want to help, help me attain stability, jump start my career. And honestly this is the scariest thing for me, only because I really dont know how to allow. I dont know how to let others do for me, like I have done for others. Its a new condition for me, as it appears clear to me that there is no catch, with them. But still, I'm moving again. And I am sick and tired of moving. I have to ask myself is me moving again getting me one step closer or further from having stability. I feel like I have lived so many lives in the past 29 years that now all I want and seek is a simple life. Thats it. I am fortunate though as I know what I dont want, and I have understanding what a simple life means to me.

I also got meetings on the way with both Mrs Kelly from the Madame Walker Theatre and Sandy Noe from the Julian Center. So I am moving foward in a positive direction with the benefit. We have already made progress for the Julian Center, as we just got a handsome pledge. Donor and amount remain confidentail, though. Only because the benefit has not happened yet. Now I have to look for graphic designers for the invites as well as a printing company to make copies. And its going to be an adventure.

Only because I need two different sets. One set for the art auction, and the other set is actually tickets for Saturday's event. Also have to create a pin pal account so I can have a another route to sell tickets. Honestly this may be my fourth benefit but I have never had to do all of this. I am moving up to the next level, as I have for every other benefit I have organized. That is how I can tell I am on the right track. Each one gets more polished than the last. So with out a doubt this may be a more of a challenge for me, but it's only making me better at this. Perhaps I can do these benefits once or twice a year. And as soon as I have pre-production done, I can focus on the next thing. Fine tuning the event itself. Except for the four features on saturday's event. I will have to organize rehearsals for it. Wow! the more I think about it the more I realize I have a full plate still.

Haven't worked on the cd in a week in a half, nor the books thats fine with me. At first I did have problems with it, but then it dawned on me. I have other things at this second the have to completed in order for me to be able to move foward in the direction that I feel is the best route for me. I have over 100 sheets of the crazy paper that I am holding in the picture that is on my blog. I am making frames for them, writing a few lines of poetry on each piece, applying a specific adhesive so the paper will last and selling them online, for 20 dollars a piece, that alone will help me get the other finances. I will have the money to continue getting the books and cd made as well as I can get the transportation for both Tristan and Tara from Chicago to Indy and back. Then the books will be done and I know they will sell as well. I already have a one and fourty three requests for the books. The signs are to obvious for me I have to keep going, regardless.

I want to work with more artist. I feel fortunate to work with the artist I already am. But there are so many more as well. I feel so fortunate to work with Alkemi, Billy Tuggle, Tristan Silverman, Tara Hardy, Gabby Patterson, Nsaychable, Allen Imagery, Stephen Paul Miller, Linda Sands, Eric Basso. People I have said it before and Ill say it again. Look up these artist. They are tomorrows greats who are living today. But still after this benefit there are more like I said at the begining. Racheal Mckibbens, Mike McGee, Buddy Wakefield, Karen FinneyFrock, And you can be sure that after I have this benefit done, but before it has happened, that I am working on the next benefit. Actually I have a idea who we are going to support next time. But still its way too early to even whisper that one, only because a realistic time frame to have that one would be in about a year from now. Which is about eight months after Projek Delerium

Could be entering a new line of work as well. Yeah I am still working at the airport, but I have a few possible up and coming auditions to do comercial voice overs. Lately people have been commenting my voice, and they say I should be doing commericals. So I asked around and little did I realize that a friend of mine has a few friends how are in that line of business. Some work or own their own agencies and others she knows do this for aliving. This is something I am investigating. It can potentially open up new doors for me, and perhaps this could be away I can actually afford to be productive and focus more on writing. benefits, workshops. This kind of a job would do more than just pay well, its not nearly as demanding of my time as the airport is. But unfortunately I can't quit that job, not until something else comes across my path that is for sure.

So bottom line I cannot get carried away. I am still just me Gregg, wanna be unpublished poet who works at the airport. But people you know what one of the beauties of life is. It's that everything does change, and sometimes our thoughts change our future. This is me at this second, but I tell myself I am a published successful poet. I will have everything I want, even though I have to work my ass off right now, and I am learning the ropes. But still, regardless things constantly change and who I will be in the future is what I am working so hard for in the present. We all have to tell ourselves both, what we see in the present, so we dont get carried away . Yet we have to remind ourselves of who we want to be. Its the only way we are going to want to take action and make it happen. Yet I refuse to give up on myself. You can say I have a head the size of texas, but I wont ever give up on me. So everything I have encountered so far has only made me better, sharper, and more determined, As you should feel as well, when life happens to you and you feel over whelmed.

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