Its been months now since I blogged a single solitary word. Hell honestly I havent even written a word. Maybe its just time you know. Time I quit or time I just evolved a bit, and perhaps in the future go back to the poetry.
I have been thinking though, I may of done this to myself. I dont know, maybe I had my goals set way to high, maybe I messed up by putting an idea on something I love, and that drove away any or all ambition. And I don't want to say I have lost the ambition to write, sometimes, even if it's just for a milisecond, a line will pop in my head, a phrase or Ill see something random as I drive by that will never be replicated and that will inspire a spark of poetry. So I know its not dead, just in deep secular state of hybernation.
Recently I have been working two jobs, doing anything I can to make sure I have stability in life. Working towards becoming a paramedic, and honestly even though its hard, the schedule is demanding and most of the time it feels like I dont even make a move closer to where I feel I need and should be. I do love it, the feeling of actually accomplishing a short term goal to achieve a more definitive goal is amazing. Working towards something and seeing that it is possible, that an idea is unfolding tells me I am on my way to better or simplified days. Who knows I may just pick up some ink and scratch out a piece or two again. But one thing is for sure. I will always make some type of craft. Regardless if its a cd or frames or what ever. And just give them away.
I dont really see myself making it to where I can afford a decent living off of poetry. Ive come to terms with that and honestly I am fine with it. After all I am working two jobs, so finances will be met. But let face it no matter how good or bad people think I am I love this, and I am sorry but honestly I would make a 1000 cd's or poetry frames and people have them compared to making all that and if I am lucky sell 150. I create for myself first and foremost and if I inspire people along the way, to me thats the magic. I mean we are all just average people I dont care who you are. Its ego's for the most part that seperate people, those who do just because its write always succeed and go further than those just going out to get theirs. In my opinion though.