Monday, May 10, 2010

Exhibit D. madness of the mind

Ok here I am once again at the computer,. It seems that is all I am doing, if I am not working either job working on the benefit or the cd/book, the reviews of Fort Dad and Umbra on, or I am either blogging. And it just dawned on me.People I am couch surfing. I stay at my friends art studio, my editors house or if I work a double and a switch I usually stay in a hotel room. And I am not complaining at all, honestly I am working harder than ever. I am saving every penny and working my ass off. Yet I have no place to call my own. And I have to wonder, am I really doing what's right? I try to be a very logical person and not get swept away in the moment too much. And when I asked myself this question, I automatically said yes. But then I asked myself am I being responsible, that I still haven't answered. I am paying my bills, working two jobs. Taking care of the benefit, and the saturday's poetry features travel arrangments. But still, shouldn't I be worried about this?

All I want to accomplish is, inspire people to be better tomorrow than what I was yesterday. When I read Kerouac, Ginsberg, Morrison, Corso, Holman, Carr or listen to Pearl Jam, Tom Waits, Miles or Robert Johnson to name of the few artist that influence me. I really wonder and ask myself can I really inspire others in a similiar way to how they those who I mentioned have inspired me. Can I really make people feel something with my words? Am I a fool for thinking I will be able to provide for myself or better yet a family with my craft and not have to worry about keeping the lights on? I just want to write.

Like I said in a earlier blog, when I was creating a new poem for the cd, I felt this feeling of beauty the lead me to discover that I was right where I should be at the moment. I really love this, more than sex, more than love, more than anything. I want to write, and I want to make people feel something, make them realize they can find their own way. Nothing is impossible.
But the 64 thousand question is. What I have to say,is it really worth peoples time? Will they deam it important enough to read and digest? Will they appreciate my words,? Can they relate to them? And more importantly will people find and feel something personally inside themselves after they read what I have written? These questions I cannot answer. I can only put them out there and to see if and or how people respond.

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