Monday, August 30, 2010

true success is achieved when we create a habbit out of choosing to make the right decision,

Thursday, August 26, 2010

old tidal waves create new phases

And the music continues, yet now no words can descride it. Have I lost it? The will to write, to push out days with black ink on thin sheets of paper. I know Ive been writing but honestly it doesnt feel like ive written anything in months now. The fundraiser did mess me up. I missed my mark, and am not able to do the Delerium Projek as I have stated in previous blogs, but honestly it has put me in a funk, a depression. Now I feel I shouldnt go out and read any more. As if I am a failure, for this would of been an amazing event to accomplish. Yeah I put my own money in, but who cares, it didnt happen. Im not in the scene of poetry to be seen or make a scene. I wanted to give a message, to people. Wanted others to know that they are capable of anything and everything. But now I have to wonder, would people still listen to me. Am I still able to inspire people, I mean I did fail you know. And yes, I do realize I did give it a try, but still. Is it the actions or the intent that matters? I wanted to raise money for the abused women and children of indpls,. I wanted to support my fellow artist. And since news broke that I am not able to do the benefit, most have turned their backs on me. Thinking all I do is just talk, even though this would of been my 4th benefit.

I always looked at poetry as a way to inspire people, not as an attack on their soul. For words can make and break people. Ive broken too many, and decided to change my ways, and through time the changes I made became second nature to me. I do practice what I preach, yet I do know I can't walk on water or anything. But still, this has been very difficult for me. And I do know I am taking a new direction . Signed for EMT training, with the hopes of getting onthe fire department, as I do long for and want stability, and the only way I can achive this, is by providing it for me. As I just want a simple life. That is what we all want. When people say I want a regular life, to me it feels like they really saying they want a simple life. Away to pay the bills and just live a life they want. And for me becoming an EMT is away to do this. I can see myself doing this job, which does make it that more realistic, yet I still see myself writing performing. But should I, after all here I am, 29 yrs of age, and completely starting over. Constantly broke, barely able to pay bills, cup is always empty as its too much for me to fill at the moment, and perhaps this is a good thing. And with this new venture Ido feel lighter, you know. The question to go on haitus was a big one for me, and when I came to this conclusion, it was as if, I had no more answers to seek out.

I know I will always write, as its been a huge part of my life already,but now I want more, something new. And that newness is stability. Yet only in the coming days will all be revealed to me, will Decatur open up a new door, and if so will that door enhance the writing will it create opportunities for me, or will I finally see it as it is, and continue going towards my goal of now being an EMT and one day getting on a firedepartment... Its any ones guess...

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Being good to and not just at is how life long legacies are formed.

Monday, August 23, 2010

its brilliant when u know urself, no justification nor will questions need to be asked, for those rusted beliefs will no longer apply,.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Not getting swept away in an emotion, and remembering what caused your expierences, is how u can write a new history, instead of repeating ur past.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

To change ur destination, u first have to change ur direction.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Life is all about options, as its choices not chances that makes your future

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Do today what others wont do, so that tomorrow u can be what they cant

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Those who just worry about getting theirs only go so far in the long run. Cuz if u give even a little u always recieve alot

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

change is established when we expierence drawbacks in life, which mean u were not meant to fail, just change it up a bit

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Never settle, as its alright to always want more, but at the end of the day love what u got, cuz if u dont, it will disappear

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Dont be afraid to take chances, sometimes you make ur mark, othertimes you dont, but at the end of the day u wont have asmany regrets as others did

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

You cannot have love, until you establish peace. Life simple, dont complicate it. As long as their actions are pure with good intent, forgive them,and move on

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Who created the Chaotic creature Targubaj

Questions on faith are only resolved with an inside investigation, remembered thinking. As everything is always in motion.

Recently I just got back form doing a successful tour, a festival and then realization hit me. Then I just kept at it. Bottom line I need to take a breather. For I was being one deminsional. And a break will be good, not too long, and If I feel the urge to write, then I will. But now things are moving again, and this time no pen, no paper, no device to mimic thunder is required. I lost my funding to do Projek Delerium. Crushed yes I was at first, and still am, it is and will be a sensative subject for me to speak about.

I do beleive though, that nothing is just random, somethings happen and we love the outcome, other times we hate the outcome, but a few common factors are always the same, Change, and the fact that we have to move with it not against. Moving right along with the change is how we deal life better, yes it is more difficult to do and easier to say. I will be the first to admit that, but still. And a breathe of fresh air, hits me,as I think this thought. Its kool, I do have a few shows lined yes. I have the Decatur writes conference, in Decatur Georgia, aswell as a feature spot at one of Indy's newest spoken word venue's. Poetry on the Patio, which is an awesome venue of if you ask me, on September 15th, and then I host the Westfield arts Festival. So I still be active, but sometimes we get more done if we just be. And take breaks, sometimes its how we get to the next level.

I mean besides the Tour and the Festival, I made a cd, with the Indianapolis band the Dwellers, titled New Feet for Your Worn down shoes, aswell. And that took a little under 6 months that has 15 tracks. All of this in less than 6 months, is not bad. Plus I do feel I have quality behind my work, behind my words, my work ethic, and I accomplished so many goals, that I had set up for myself. Now its break time. As I feel like Iam writing a life with invisible ink, on pages that are color coded clear plastic.

So now its the next phase, who knows whats next, for me. Maybe and most likely a bigger tour with happen, but for now, I am taking a breather. For at the end of the day I dont just wanna be apoet, I want to be me, and poetry is only side of me. Maybe now its time to jump out of an airplane at 15,000 feet again.
If u want to be able to credit for success, u first got to learn how to take credit for the fall